On the Run

So, I chose my old faithful boots for my first run, still got a blister from it but I enjoyed it. Couldn’t wipe the smile off my face the whole day, it was only a twenty minute run but to back on the grass was class. Since then it’s been progressing from the straight line runs to beginning to change direction, in and out of cones and beginning to turn. The first week was very limited but I got to start the turning after a week or so.

Then there was the football work, I felt sorry for anyone I did it with for the first week of passing over a longer distance because to say it was off was an understatement, I had zero timing, but now looking back I’ve got my timing back to as I did before, I even practiced a few goal kicks which was good. In recent weeks we started a dribble circuit, that’s very tiring but is much better than just running. It’s a square containing a variation of cones, poles and hurdles, repetitions of the lot for 4 minutes, 4 times. It’s difficult but it’s good to have a ball at your feet whilst working for a change.

Furthermore, for me I could start diving around, controlled falling I believe it was called at first, but yeah it was enjoyable and I had no pain whilst doing it so that’s been upped further so I can do some work with my goalkeeper coach. It’s still only small progressions at this stage but it is all coming together slowly. One thing I discovered in this cold weather is that my knee feels a little bit stiffer before I get going, but if that’s the only issue I won’t be complaining.

Off the field it’s been a good few weeks, I signed a contract extension to keep me at the club, giving me to security that I don’t need to rush back and the support of all of the staff. Any positive things that come during your injury give you an extra sense of motivation that you’re going in the right direction. I’ve been really enjoying being back on the grass, it’s made me feel more included within the team rather being stuck in the gym. This period is the hardest physically but you’ve got through the mentally toughest part that is the period in the gym. One thing I did discover though is that you need to reign yourself in so that you don’t push your body too far too soon, especially in your first few sessions because you’re excited, just take it steady, I was like a kid on Christmas Morning and had to be reined in. On that note of Christmas, I wish everyone a safe and merry Christmas and a happy New Year.

Bouncing and bobbling about

Been a few weeks now and I’m bouncing around and I’m moving forward with massive steps into my recovery. The goal was to achieve a single rep max of 130kg on both legs by the 11^th week. I’d been building up my leg press for weeks and on the Monday of the week I did 10x100kg and that was easy, so by Friday, exactly 11 weeks post op, we did the test. Started at 100kg and built up in 5kg increments. 100, 105,110,115…130. It was the time, the goal was right in front of my eyes, I did it. It was easy so I did 135, found that easy too so I was asked if I wanted to do 140 but I thought you know what I had a session to do after so I’ll just leave it at that.

The process is just like a video game, once you complete a goal, another one unlocks. So now it was onto the Alter G (Anti-Gravity Treadmill). But before we go into that, the process isn’t all easy and some days you do think that you can’t do it, but you have to dig in and work through it because every day you are getting better. Just keep a smile on your face and be positive, there is always someone there to talk to and give you support if you need it. I’ve had great support the whole way through and you appreciate that because it gives you belief that you can do it and you can be stronger. Honestly, some days I feel like its torture, the endless CV and core sessions, the endless amounts of sweaty kits and double session. Makes you think how did I deserve this? But it’s been worth it, every single bit of pain for holding those planks in a core session or the last kilometre of a cardio session, each is a bit more in the tank.

So, as we were, the Alter G. Some bit of kit that is, allows you to run with only a percentage of your bodyweight. Bit weird having to put these shorts which have a zip around the waist to zip yourself into the bubble but it’s not a fashion contest, otherwise id be in trouble. Especially when I’ve finished and I’m dripping in sweat with my hair a mess. First session was at 40-50% body weight and second at 60-70%. Found them both easy and didn’t have any reaction. Only reaction I had was feeling like I had a house placed on my shoulders I felt that heavy, leg weights after doing that was just a treat… Onto the final session, the 80-90% run, the target. The last thing I needed to complete before getting back onto the pitch, I found it pretty easy and now I’m excited and ready to get on the pitch. So we started at 60 and went all the way up to 90 in 2:30 intervals, then once that was done, the last 2:30 at 100%, never have I felt so heavy in my life, but it was fun and its complete now. Now I’ve just got a huge decision to make, which boots do I wear for my first run?

Having a splash

So since I last wrote about my recovery, there’s not been a lot of change in my program, only the progression onto heavier weights which is definitely a good upbeat sign, just the progress being there must mean you’re doing something right. My range of motion is almost there too so it’s all looking pretty good. There’s been one change though, I’m now able to have a splash around in the pool. Of course it’s not like when you’re on holiday and have a Lillo. It’s four minutes swimming, four minutes running in the water. Twice over. All after sessions including cardio and leg weights, but I’m not complaining.

Moving forward my leg weights have been coming on very well, up from the fifties, to sixties now into the seventies. It’s all looking positive and I’m still enjoying the process of it all. There’s been some tough days but also some enjoyable ones, but at the end of the day I keep the smile on my face because I’m still doing what I love and a smile can help someone else. Being positive has helped get through this, still a hell of a long way to being back but so far it’s been flying by.

One last thing that’s changed, the skier. Hate it, can’t get a rhythm going so it’s tough, but it was never going to be easy and it can only get easier the more I do it. That’s one thing I really need to work on because it’s not something I like, so you’ve got to really force yourself to persevere with it to get it done, because each session is put in the bank at the end of the day and each one nudges you that little bit closer to getting back fit. To some people these sessions are mental torture, they are but you want to get back fit so you do it, honestly I knew it wouldn’t be easy but some of the sessions I’ve done, wow…

Back to the Squats.

So now I’ve started my leg weights I’m fully aware of the hard work that lays ahead of me, and the fair amount of patience that entails from these long term injuries. Patience that people who know me know that I have very little. But so far i’m quite relaxed, it’s what I have to do, I’m also discovering the buzz you can get from the hard work, I’m rather enjoying it.
In the third week post op I could finally begin a full leg weights session that I’d be waiting to start, it was the start of the long intense way back to fitness. I mean I could never imagine doing a total of 21.87km in 40 mins on the bike, no matter being weeks after surgery. Only on light weights but it’s about the progress, I mean starting squatting at 40kg may seem embarrassing to people that don’t know what you’ve done but you have to start somewhere, after three sets of squats the sense of accomplishment was incredible, it was the first time I’ve been able to squat since the day I got injured, so it felt like a bit of normality.
I also got back driving and that was incredible, it just felt like a sense of normality back in my life, you don’t understand how much you miss something like that until you can’t do it. It gave me back some of the independence that I’ve been missing since the surgery. Another positive was it allowed me to get to training easier because I didn’t have to rely on lifts from others, small stuff like this help you remain positive during this period.
Friday of week three I went back to the specialist for the check-up, I drove down, about an hour it took, went in and within ten minutes of walking in the hospital, not even in his office I was out and on my way home, he explained to me what things I may experience in the next few weeks, one of which being the feeling that my hamstring may feel like it tearing, which I’ve never experienced so I couldn’t imagine what that pain was like.
Into the fourth week and well now I can tell you what the tearing is like, and yeah it’s not nice, the sharp pain I felt hurt, I could have screamed but because I was on the bike I decided that probably wasn’t the best idea so I just winced, told the physio and carried on. How bad can it be? Turns out it just felt like an ache for the rest of the day then went away. It did tighten up in that afternoons core session, especially when I was doing our 16 maybe 20 planks. 
My range of motion is coming on now and I’d say it’s at around 100°, on its way to being back to normal, hopefully by the time I’m at twelve weeks I’ll be back running so the target is to get my range of motion full by that time, small goals to get where I want to be. I’m almost four weeks into this long journey and I’m still remaining positive, you can easily get down about your situation but this will only hinder your progress on your way back, so keep your head up and believe in the process that you’re in.

Cycling through the week

So another week begun, back in on the Monday. I finally had the extension in my leg that they were looking for, as a bonus my range of motion wasn’t looking too bad either. It was a light session on that day so just basic exercises to get a better range of motion in my leg. Probably would have been a better session if we were allowed in the actual gym but I suppose England’s women’s team do take priority. 

The Tuesday of this week was the first game id actually be able to go to after my surgery so I was buzzing just to be back in a game day atmosphere. It was also the day my staples would be coming out. Can’t say I was that excited about that. It was a Tuesday night game so I had the day to think about what was going to happen and I was at bit nervous I’ll admit but I was remaining positive. It was another thing new I was going to be experiencing so I may as well embrace it and take it how it is. I wasn’t in for the game until 6:15.

As it turned out its not painful and it didn’t really bother me, I think this was summed up by the physio’s comment that my only reply ever is ‘Yeah that’s fine’ and a smile. There’s no point in complaining about it because they have to come out and it feels so much better when they are. Taking the positives from it is quite easy, you don’t have that much pain and the wounds look so many times better without metal staples holding them together.

Added bonus to having the staples out was I could watch my first game since my injury, it had been three weeks since I’d been to a game so it was enjoyable, even more so that we won 4-0. It was a late night getting home but it was definitely worth it.

The following days after the game there was only light sessions as a team, both of them for me was in the gym. Finally, I could get on the bike and do I light cycle, to start it was a bit frustrating having pain doing something so light but as soon as I got going that eased and I could actually enjoy it, following the bike I went on the treadmill to get back walking, just so that I could get my walking motion back, so that session was almost an hour and it was one of the best hours I’ve had since my surgery.

It’s been two weeks since my surgery now and I can begin proprioception work in the gym, balancing on my leg and putting weight through it, yes there is a slight pain when doing it but the relief of being able to finally do it overwhelms that. Even if I was slightly shaky when starting to balance on my left leg, but it’s one of those things that can only get better. Next step is to get back on the leg weights and build up the strength in my legs.

The Post Op Transition

I had the next few days off with the aim of getting my mobility back into my leg. So there’s not really too much to say about those days apart from them being frustrating. The exercises I as given were to improve my leg extension as after the surgery you can’t straighten your leg completely, also exercises to improve the range of motion. These are painful but need to be done repeatedly by not doing them it can cause scar tissue to build up causing more complications down the line.

Another thing I had to do was change the dressings of the wounds, which isn’t a difficult task as they peeled off quite easily, apart from the one on my thigh where they harvested my hamstring tendon. I wasn’t told to shave that part of my leg so I now know what waxing feels like. That was probably the worse pain I’d felt pulled the hair out of my leg, not something I will do again in a hurry. Putting the replacement dressings on wasn’t painful so there’s not too much to say about that.

Not being in and around the team the week after my op was a challenge, mentally rather than physically, because you can’t do too much in terms of going out all you see is the four walls around you. Finding things to do that keep your mind occupied is important so I did a bit of reading, the more things you can do between your exercises makes the time go by quicker rather than just sat in front of the TV. At some points I did feel a bit down but just seeing those minor improvements gives you motivation to keep continuing to exercise through the discomfort therefore it cheers you up, making you more determined to continue.

I was back in the at Burton Friday, exactly a week after my operation. It was a blessing, personally I think it helped me aid my recovery. My range of motion was rather good but still didn’t have full extension of my leg. So this was my task for the weekend to get that full extension by the time I returned Monday. In the meantime, I was in the gym on the arm bike which is one of the most boring things I’ve ever done but I know in the long run will keep my upper body strength, following that I did more exercises to improve my overall mobility. I felt an improvement after the whole session which was positive. Throughout the weekend I know it’s going to be rather quiet, literally sitting watching soccer Saturday, doing my leg extension, mobility exercises along with icing my leg every two hours. I will get the swelling down.

Its a marathon not a sprint

The past few days have been very hectic, first thing to happen was the pre-assessment for the operation, getting a phone call to tell me about it was two hours prior to the appointment was rather stressful because it takes an hour to get there and I had planned to go to see Evie (my girlfriend) that afternoon, but during injuries plans have to change and the people around you have to be understanding of that.

The pre-assessment went very smoothly, little bit overwhelming I’ll admit but it went well. The nurse asked me about so many diseases in the end I thought she was just jumbling up letters just to test me. By any means I got through that and everything was ok so I was ready for my operation, I had managed to get in on the Friday at 5pm. Everything was in full swing and I could finally get going and get the operation over with.

Friday came quickly, I had a few instructions from the nurse about my eating and drinking pre-operation, meaning I couldn’t eat six hours before my admission and drink within two. This was a challenge because I like my food, so I had to make sure that no one eats around me because that’d just make me feel hungry. I struggled on until the evening, I was admitted at 5pm as stated. Within the hour I saw the surgeon and the anaesthetist, made the choice I’d been fretting about since I got told I could either have spinal or general anaesthetic. I chose spinal, firstly because I don’t like the feeling of being sick, like everyone said would happen and also because I would around quicker.

This is where everything changed, I was all cheerful having a laugh and a joke when the anaesthetist came back in, he had an emergency at home so had to leave. Meh oh well at least the complications are happening now was my initial thought, but this did mean a longer wait before I could have the operation. By the time I’d seen the other anaesthetist it was around 7:30pm, an hour late because I was booked into theatre for 6:30. When I finally went down it was ten past eight. I couldn’t wait to eat I was starving. Anyway enough of me and my stomach and on to the procedure itself.

The nurse did her final checks and then I went into the theatre, I had the cannula put in my left hand, I hate needles so the nurse who was telling me I wasn’t that northern compared to her colleague got me through that. That was all done, now the fun part, I had to lean forward and the anaesthetist would find the spot to inject me. Yeah, as if it would be that easy, I’m sure he tried about three times until I almost fainted, they had to lay me down just so I didn’t, he found the spot in the end and that was done. The surgeon came in and did some final tests on the knee before beginning the procedure.

So, all set. Ready to go. Never did I ever in my wildest dreams did I think I would enjoy being talked through how they were going to reconstruct my ligament, honestly I thought they must have used a bit too much sedative and I was dreaming. I rather enjoyed seeing what was happening, my ligament which now looked a bit like something you’d find in a coral reef being cleaned out and the tendon from my hamstring being put in its place. The weirdest thing about the whole thing was hearing the surgeon drilling the new ligament in place, hearing it but not feeling it baffled me. As it turned out everything else in my knee was alright so everything was very straightforward and everything was a success. 

Onto recovery, well first thing I found out was they was repainting that room so I had to stay in theatre, that was alright, I was so cosy and warm under two blankets and a duvet so I wasn’t going to complain. I got feeling back in my toes about ten minutes after the procedure and all the final checks was done and I could be wheeled to the room. The nurse didn’t believe that I knew my room number but it turns out I was right, obviously. 

Those sandwiches for when I got back into my room were incredible, bacon, brie and cranberry. Delightful. My mum and dad stayed with me for an hour as I talked them through the operation, I could see my mum wheezing as I spoke about it because she doesn’t like the concept of pain either. The amount of support I got was amazing and all the messages I received where breath-taking. It is such a nice feeling knowing you have other people’s support is a nice feeling, you’re never alone and there’s someone always out there for you. I didn’t sleep much that night, oh well I enjoyed watching the TV and seeing someone steal £54000 on golden balls. There’s always an upside, at least I wasn’t the one who chose to split. Another win I had was my cannula kind of came out in my sleep… don’t know how, don’t know why. But apparently that’s one of the most painful things, I am definitely not complaining about that.

The next morning, I had some pain killers, the physio from the hospital came in, gave me a selection of exercises to do for the next few weeks. Then I had some crutches delivered to my room, told I didn’t need to use them all the time and that I’d be off them in less than a week anyway. The club’s physio came in, told me the plan of action and was really pleased with how everything went and that I was well on the road to recovery. I was discharged at 11:15am and I could finally go home.

When I was at home I was so tired, my girlfriend, mum and dad were all there but not all of me was. I don’t remember most of it because I was asleep on and off between the time I got home until the football finished and I was watching Soccer Saturday. Well I say watching, I’m pretty sure I was asleep with my eyes open, I don’t remember most of it, and according to everyone around me I was mumbling gibberish. It’s been difficult accepting other people have to do more things for me but once that acceptance is reached it does make it easier. The main thing is not to get too beaten up by yourself because you need to take in steady, it’s a marathon not a sprint, as everyone has said.

Inadvertently Injured.

The long road to recovery may seem daunting to many people but it’s a journey in your life that’s just a small part of your story, it may seem like it’s a setback but really it can be seen as a blessing in disguise. 

So, this is my first major injury I’ve had whilst playing football, but that’s not the point, the point of writing this is to show that the journey shouldn’t be negative because there are positives to any setback, no matter how big or small. The first positive I had was the support that I had, everyone was so supportive of me once I found out the results of my scan. Knowing you have that support really spurs you on to your road to recovery. I’m only 19 after all and as a goalkeeper in only a baby in the football world.

So it was the Monday morning during training when I inadvertently got injured, something so innocuous that you wouldn’t believe it could lead to such an injury as an ACL rupture. Even when I did it I wasn’t in the much pain so I thought it was just a knock, I pulled out of the session as a precaution and iced it for the remained of that time. It swelled up and the next day I had a scan, the results weren’t that clear on the first glance because of the swelling so I had myself prepared for the worse. The not knowing was the worst feeling so for hours I was waiting, icing my knee to try bring down the swelling, I was preparing myself for whatever the outcome. It was around 6pm I got the phone call, wasn’t the news I was hoping for, my heart did sink in my chest when I got the news and I cried, very motivational I know, but this is reality. It’s ok to cry, it’s just a natural reaction of realisation. Once you come to this realisation that’s when you can begin your road to recovery, the long road with ups and downs, so take your time and get your head right to accept it before moving on

It took me a few hours to accept the news I had received, had my parents around to support me in the hours after the results, then theres my girlfriend who has supported me since the news, and the endless support of my teammates and friends. That is important because you will need that support in the weeks ahead, there are things you’ll get frustrated by on a daily basis but that’s one thing you just have to accept, it’s difficult but I suppose you can’t help that. 

After a week of finding out, constantly icing on the bihourly basis I saw the specialist, this was the next step on the road to my recovery. He had already looked through my scan results, and here’s the positive. I had only ruptured my ACL and had a minor stretch of my MCL. Yes, I might sound crazy but apparently that is very rare and makes me lucky, so I’m unlucky but lucky. Work that out as you will. Whilst he was doing the tests he pressed on the inside of my knee, that was sore, I’m surprised I was as calm as I was but I suppose that’s another positive. As you can see you can think of things positively even in the worst of these situations, it’s all about the mind-set. This got the wheels turning and the surgery will be happening very shortly so I’ll have an update on my journey then. I’ll be regularly updating on my story, I’ll try keep it interesting and I hope it helps for anyone who goes through what I am.